presumenothing | game log: いつか、絶望の底から

I fell into playing Project Sekai (technically a Vocaloid-inspired rhythm game, though calling it that doesn't do justice to its depth of story) for quite a while last year, and while I've mostly been tempted away by other shiny things, the current event does feature my fave set of characters… so here I am again! Figured I'd log my thoughts here along the way because why not.

Anime-style drawing of a girl with long silver hair looking over her shoulder

(Yes, I know gacha is just rolling for images, but when the images are pretty enough…)

欲しい物、か。そんな物、ひとつもないのに。

Anime-style drawing of a girl with long silver hair looking over her shoulder

Anime-style drawing of a girl with purple hair in a ponytail and one hand half-reaching out to the viewer

Anime-style drawing of a female-presenting character with tied-up pink hair looking down at her cupped hands

I CAN'T EVEN PICK A FAVOURITE OF THESE though it's probably Mizuki or Mafuyu's. My poor extremely depressed faves… on the one hand I'm like "let Nightcord have some happy stories" but on the other hand, that goth aesthetic. I am here for that.

My Kanade backstory senses are on full-alarm mode…
Ah yes, Yoisaki-dad, another case for the "ways family can and will fuck you up permanently" squad.
Luka. Stop corrupting everyone else with your chaos.
I've said this elsewhere, but Mafuyu's societally-successful-but-also-extremely-depressed portrayal continues to be important to me (i.e. literally the one thing that got me invested in the game story above all else)
"最初の頃は、雪とも敬語でしゃべってたし" OH WAIT are we gonna get a glimpse of the Kanade-Mafuyu era??
OH WE REALLY ARE. BACKSTORY TIME I am ready to be emotionally compromised
Oh hello Kanade's grandma!! Honami backstory!!
AND HELLO PRE-CANON MAFUYU. I don't know how her VA consistently does the good-girl vs dead-inside voices so distinctly but it's good.
(digression: I still crave that AU where Kanade goes to Miyajou but they still form Nightcord without realising who each other are…)
"このまま、ずっと変わらないの？何がおもしろいのか、何がほしいのか、わからないままなの？高校生になっても、大学にいっても。このまま、ぞっとー" ;_; girl…
Man self-destructive Kanade is hard to watch.
"でも…なんて？ーーどうしてあなたの曲は私を揺さぶるんですか、って？" Mafuyu. You should've just asked.
NO DON'T GIVE UP THERE I am violently shaking you both.
Oh wow Mafuyu actually asking someone things while not talking in that chipper voice. Reverse character development.
Bless you unknown teacher for giving us composer Mafuyu…
Ah yes, Asahina-mom, president of the "fucked up family" club.
I am digging these parallel composition scenes. Mafuyu teaching herself music off Kanade's work?? Yes????
"光が届かないーー絶望を" ok though you both need to chill it on the edginess
"……体の中にある何かが、ゆっくり冷えて、固まっていくみたいに感じる……あの曲を聴いた時とは、まるで逆" it's a medical condition called bad parenting, see
Oh. Is this the song that was in the sekai afterwards.
"……もう一度……聴きたい" the only time you get to hear Mafuyu express any desires at all!! I'm fine!!
"……消えたく、ない……" OH ANOTHER ONE. Mafuyu, honey, you liar. It's called hope, you can't kill it.
FIRST MEETING. YES.
Well at least Kanade didn't think it was a good remix. Turns out Asahina Mafuyu is human after all!
"絶望しかない……ううん。もう何も存在しない、そんな世界が見える" hello sekai foreshadowing
How has this girl not landed herself in hospital yet.
"あの世界に、少しだけ、光を届けられた……" bookends! Mirrors!!
HONAMI TO THE RESCUE
oh my god she really ended up in the hospital this is a terrible first meeting. KANADE. DUDE. No wonder Honami worries so much about you.
Aw grandma. Bargaining with music. That's playing dirty. I support it!
雪さん oh that's bizarre
NIGHTCORD DEBUT!! HELLO
Yuki… I forgot she'd be not on the dead-inside voice.
The keigo. Wow.
#otp: pit of despair
"この人は、やっぱり感じてるんだ。深い絶望を。そんな中にいて、それでも光を灯そうとしてる" if that isn't meant to be an intentional callback to Saisei's MV I don't know what is.
TITLE DROP! Thanks Mafuyu.
"……不思議な人だな。何も話してないのに、気配を読んだみたいだった" that is exactly her problem actually. Being too good at reading people.
……………Mafuyu. Horror vibes much??
FINALLY 呼び捨て thank god
At least she noticed the disparity between song and person.
Parallel constructions ftw. Also you're both so depressed. Get help.
MAFUYU WITH HAIR DOWN. A++
Ah dead-inside Mafuyu. おかえり
I love their collective hero-worship of K. Very valid.
Do any of you even sleep.
"Kの誘いを受けてーー　よかったと思う" HOLY SHIT DID YOU JUST SMILE. ASAHINA MAFUYU. GET BACK HERE.
and then of course you dip after that emotional bombshell. Mafuyu…

OH YEAH got Kanade's card! Side story time…

I adore the bits of Kanade and Honami story we're getting both here and in the main event story. Even if I am suffering secondhand embarrassment at the tea thing. Kanade. Sunshine. You are not cut out for domesticity. Don't kill your housekeeper with the tea, please.

Meanwhile I'm just

（来てくれるのは、嬉しい。でも……苦しいことがあったのかな）

……別に、苦しいわけじゃないよ。宿題が終わったけど、25時までまだ早かったから、なんとなく休憩しに来ただけ

…………よかった

Hi their relationship matters to me so much??

…ねえ、ミク。そのまま、話を聞いててほしい。このあいだ、2年前のことを話したでしょ。あの時……私、自分がその頃何をしていたのか、ほとんど覚えてなかったの。中学生だったっていうのはすぐにわかったけど、それ以外は真っ白で…… それが2年前のことだったからなのか、それとも、もう"私"がいなかったからなのかな、考えたけど、わからなかった。

Of course she doesn't remember. Mafuyu…

奏に出会ってなかったら、今の私はどうなってたんだろう、とか…… もしここで……セカイで、ミクと出会ってなかったらとか。そういうことは、少し考えた。もし奏にも会えなくて、ミクにも会えてなかったら、きっと今頃、消えちゃってたかもね。からっぽで、何も感じられなくなって、歩くこともできなくなって……ただ腐っていくのを待つだけになって、ゆっくり静かに……

Mafuyu………… zombie imagery much.

……ミク。前に、セカイは消えないって話、したよね。私が本当の想いを見つけて、歌が生まれたあとも、この世界は残り続けるって。あれはーー今も、変わらない？

大丈夫、消えたりしない想いは、忘れられたり、変わってしまったりするかもしれないけど－一度生まれた想いが、消えてしまうことはないから。だから、セカイは消えたりしない。まふゆの想いも、私とこのセカイが、覚えてる。ずっと、ずっと、いつまでも…

……そっか

It's fine I don't need these feelings anyway. How does her VA do it. I don't even recall which other story it was where Mafuyu first brought this up but man. Miku. And I just realised the significance of that last line given the not-remembering they just discussed.

I've never actually considered this part of Mafuyu's backstory, but having her start composing as a suggested way to figure out K's music is such a galaxy brain move, hello. And it works exactly because she's that good at everything… which is also what got her into this mess into the first place, so hey narrative bookends.

Mafuyu trying to reverse-engineer and understand Kanade is effectively a beautiful reversal of their later situation, especially presented in the back-and-forth format – among the Nightcord members these two have always been shown as equal in ability and this really highlights that. Plus it answers an imbalance that's present though never addressed in the main canon events, i.e. that Kanade's doing all the work in trying to reach out to and save Mafuyu through her music while Mafuyu herself isn't… necessarily on board too much, most of the time. But this flashback shows she did try once, after all – just that nothing really worked so of course she eventually gave up, and can you really blame her for that?

……また来るね、ミク。

ーー大丈夫だよ、まふゆ。いつでも待ってるから。